Protecting Your Peace

Last month, I asked YOU to share a challenge you would like support with! Thank you to everyone who responded to the request— The responses were thoughtful, honest, and surprisingly common. It reminded me of how often we all deal with similar struggles.

Some of the challenges shared might sound familiar:

• Finding purpose: “I’m trying to discover my purpose and what I really want. I’ve compressed my own desires so much that I’m not sure anymore.”

• Trusting: “How can I stay patient when what I want isn’t happening quickly? I fear it may never happen, and I second-guess my desires.”

• Focusing: “Help me know where to focus.”

• People-pleasing: “If I take advantage of an amazing personal opportunity, what will my employer think? How will it look?”

• Creating boundaries: “I’m wrestling with finding peace while setting and communicating healthy, responsible boundaries that may not align with others.”

This month I am honing in on “Creating Boundaries.”

Healthy boundaries require us to make conscious choices that hold our space and may make others uncomfortable. They challenge old patterns and test our relationship dynamics with others. Sometimes, standing firm in what we need helps us to create respect and inner peace for ourselves and those around us.

Q. How do you even begin to create boundaries and shift old patterns and expectations from others when you have always put others’ needs before your own?

A. Here’s a simple process I share with clients to bring clarity and action to boundary-setting:

1. Clarify the irritation. What’s really happening, and where do you feel stretched or compromised?

   To me, this is the most important step: clarifying what it is causing you to feel uncomfortable. Often, we don’t know the exact cause until we dig in deeper and get curious about what is causing our irritation.  Once we have the awareness of the root cause, we can choose to better protect our peace.

2. Why does it matter?  Why is setting this boundary important for your well-being? Or is it not that important right now? Perhaps it’s not worth rocking the boat?'

3. Identify obstacles. What is standing in the way of holding the boundary?  Are there fears of changing the dynamics with others? People may push back when they are not used to your new boundaries. Are you willing to accept consequences that may arise from setting boundaries?

4. Visualize success. What would change if the boundaries were in place? How will they help you to stay true to yourself?

5. Take the first step. What’s one small action to take today to start practicing this boundary?

Boundaries are an act of self-respect. By honoring our own needs, we reinforce our self-worth and show others how to value theirs as well.

Undoubtedly, this new habit will require a conscious practice; with time, you will grow stronger and more confident in honoring your own needs over others.   Setting boundaries can become a powerful tool for creating personal peace as well as creating stronger connections with ourselves and those around us.

I am grateful to the reader who generously submitted this personal struggle to share with others who may also resonate with.

I hope that this inspires you to identify, create, and practice holding boundaries that support you in finding the peace and calm that you desire.  If so, I always love to hear!

If this sparked something in You…Follow It. Let's turn your clarity into momentum. Connect for a coaching conversation here.